Personal Branding Blog – Dan Schawbel

Recently, I spoke with dating expert and extraordinaire, Joe Tracy, about how personal branding ties in with dating and relationships. The timing was perfect for this because Valentines day is right around the corner.  Joe has over a decade of experience in the online and offline publishing industry. In 2003, Tracy oversaw the launch of Online Dating Magazine and now serves as the magazine’s publisher. Tracy is author of the highly acclaimed “Web Marketing Applied” book and upcoming book, “The Definitive Guide to Web Marketing and Search Engine Optimization.” He has been quoted on the subject of online dating in several national publications, including USA Today, NEWSWEEK, the Wall Street Journal, and the New York Times. Tracy also makes regular radio and TV appearances, most recently appearing on MSNBC’s “The Situation with Tucker Carlson” and Fox News “Your World with Neil Cavuto.”

___________

Me: What is your impression of the intersection of personal branding and online dating?

Joe Tracy: When it comes to online dating, few people give thought to personal branding, even though personal branding can give you a vital edge over others looking for love online. My impression of personal branding and online dating is that the two naturally go hand in hand. When you date online, you are sending out messages about yourself in what you write, how you communicate with others, and the pictures you decide to publish. These messages are going to cause other people to form opinions of you, which in turn will determine how successful you are.

I think it’s vital that people control their branding when it comes to online dating and that the branding they communicate is honest and not deceitful. Research shows that the majority of online daters lie about something in their profile. If you are concerned about your image, you don’t want to be like everyone else. Thus it’s important to be who you project.

Me: Is the opposite sex interested in the way you dress, behave and present yourself?

Joe Tracy: Without a doubt! Early on in my online dating experience, there was a particular date that I was running late for. In my rush out the door, I didn’t realize that I had white socks on with nice black pants. Had I taken the time to carefully go over how I looked, I would have caught the error.

I was lucky to have a date that spoke her mind and she let me know she wasn’t impressed with the combination. When I noticed it, I wasn’t impressed either. It would have been better had I made a courtesy call to say I was running a few minutes late then prepared myself properly for the date. I would have caught my error, not been in a rush, and would have made a better impression overall. I never made that mistake again.

The simple fact is that there are millions of people using online dating to find their life partner or a person to date. You have to set yourself apart from everyone else. And you must be impressive from the first communication through your first date and beyond.

Me: What are the biggest turn on’s/off’s of someone who hasn’t branded themselves properly?

Joe Tracy: In the online dating arena, people who don’t brand themselves properly begin to look like everyone else. Their profile looks like everyone else, they don’t appear to know what they want, and they don’t appear confident. When you hear someone say, “all profiles read the same” when it comes to online dating, they are talking about people who don’t brand themselves. If you brand yourself properly then your profile will be unique, creative, confident, positive, and people will see that from the start. You are a unique person and you will do what it takes to present that uniqueness in a creative and positive manner. Remember, one of the biggest turn-ons to someone looking at your profile is that you appear confident and that you know what you want. This should also be reflected in your picture.

Me: When someone has achieved a successful career path, do you think that happiness and confidence is seen in the game of dating and relationships?

Joe Tracy: I would first hope that they weren’t treating dating or relationships like a game! But unfortunately many successful people do because when you’re successful, you get more of what you want. And more isn’t always better.

I think you’ll find that most people who have achieved self success are very confident and as a result that does show in all aspects of their life. But that’s not always the case. Just watch an episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker and you’ll see that even successful people have trouble dating and need coaching. Part of branding yourself for relationship success is knowing how to act on a date. Many people don’t know how to act. For example, I know many women who went on a date with a successful and attractive guy only to say that the attraction was lost the minute he opened his mouth.

Many successful men make their dates all about themselves and their success. That’s a vital error. A man should always make the date about the lady. He should ask questions and not volunteer information about himself unless asked. He should focus on what she says and then ask follow-up questions so that she knows he is listening. A woman is attracted to a guy who is genuinely interested in her. Talking only about you and your success is a good way to talk yourself out of never seeing that person again.

Me: What are 5 tips you have for anyone who is going on their first date? How should they be branded?

Joe Tracy: The five most important areas of branding (and you should make this a part of your daily routine, not just for a date) are:

• Confidence. By far both men and women are attracted to someone who is confident. This should be reflected on your date.
• Positive attitude. Keep the date positive. In general, people are attracted a lot more to positive people than to negative people. This is why it is suggested to avoid conversations about politics on a date.
• Conversation. Be prepared for a good conversation. This means taking the time to genuinely get to know the other person and ask questions about him/her. Once you make the conversation one-sided (“yeah, just got a new car last week and boy is she a beauty… have a big client next week that may add another million to my portfolio…”) you lose the other person. They want you to be more interested in them than you are in yourself!
• Looks. You always want to look your best not just on a date, but also in your daily life and interaction with others. This mean being well groomed, wearing clothes that look good, and learning what colors go together, etc. When people constantly tell you “you look great” or “you always dress so nice”, you are reinforcing that branding and image, making you more successful in life.
• Aura. You want your aura to be one that attracts people to you. This is in how you present yourself and talk to others while on the date. You hold the door open (for your date and anyone directly entering behind her), be courteous to the waiter/waitress, leave a generous tip, talk positive about others, etc. Your aura is key in defining how attracted others are to you.